The Full of Monty

Me and the kidos breakin it down for Valentines Day

montyking — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 04:05:57 +0000

Me and my homies get down on Valentines Day! Love these kids!

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Monty Hearts You!

montyking — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 18:19:43 +0000

Happy Valentines!

montyking — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 17:38:23 +0000

Click to view my heart

Paul vs. Money-Grubbing “Preachers”

montyking — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 23:16:37 +0000

2 Corinthians 11:12-23 (The Message)

^12-15And I’m not changing my position on this. I’d die before taking your money. I’m giving nobody grounds for lumping me in with those money-grubbing “preachers,” vaunting themselves as something special. They’re a sorry bunch—pseudo-apostles, lying preachers, crooked workers—posing as Christ’s agents but sham to the core. And no wonder! Satan does it all the time, dressing up as a beautiful angel of light. So it shouldn’t surprise us when his servants masquerade as servants of God. But they’re not getting by with anything. They’ll pay for it in the end.

^16-21Let me come back to where I started—and don’t hold it against me if I continue to sound a little foolish. Or if you’d rather, just accept that I am a fool and let me rant on a little. I didn’t learn this kind of talk from Christ. Oh, no, it’s a bad habit I picked up from the three-ring preachers that are so popular these days. Since you sit there in the judgment seat observing all these shenanigans, you can afford to humor an occasional fool who happens along. You have such admirable tolerance for impostors who rob your freedom, rip you off, steal you blind, put you down—even slap your face! I shouldn’t admit it to you, but our stomachs aren’t strong enough to tolerate that kind of stuff…

I’m sorry but I don’t have much to say after reading that because that is exactly how I feel about all the wretched TV preachers, evangelists, priests, pastors that whore themselves out to the almighty dollar and sacrifice their church people in order to gain membership and a new book deal. I will say this though…

I HATE IT! It makes my stomach sick to think of all the times I’ve turned on the TV and one of these fake fascist money-grubbing poison preaching worms talks about, “the harvest” or “planting a seed” the anger wells up in me and I want to plant my own seed that’s a size 10.5 foot up their ass. No seriously…is anybody else noticing that this is exactly why Martin Luther got so freakin mad and nailed a copy of his 95 Theses to the church door to stop this spreading of this poison called indulgences. You can’t turn on the TV without someone talking about paying money in order to get a harvest or blessings… oh and you don’t have to look to far and find video after video of these people totally selling miracles, potions (anointed oil my ass…it’s freakin Cristco you buy at Costco) and salvation. On top of all that, their entire show has been fine tuned to get you to do something out of fear and desperation. Go ahead watch one of the three-ring circus preachers and tell me that after awhile you don’t start to warm up inside to some truths they are spewing and then after awhile you feel the need to not only do something but you feel if I turn the station I might not get my fill of salvation/hope/help/blessing etc… So very very sick isn’t it!

Too much of my life has been put through the fear based meat grinder and for the life of me I can’t get the legalistic dung smelling stench off of me.

I was talking to a good friend last night and we concluded that the only real people you will ever be able to connect with are people out in the world and no where near fear based church goes. You can’t join the clique if you don’t know how to get it together and put on the happy Jesus face, turn the other cheek in fear and keep that thick thick thick wall up to protect yourself from ever showing who you really are. A lot of people in church are posers and they use the Bible, worship and prayer as a way to keep anyone from ever getting to see who they really are. I mean can you imagine someone actually exposing themselves as a ugly and wretched dysfunctional in church…I can’t because usually all I ever heard was…oh brother Bob is struggling and sister Rachel is being refined. No they aren’t struggling or being refined – they are DYING and walking around with blood stained fig leaves trying to hid their missing limbs and deep deep deep wounds. But who are they suppose to go to? Maybe they need to go to the church membership 101 class or how about a small group where you can exercise even more what it means to be a hypocritical “believer.” NO NO…they need someone to look them in the eye and tell them, Hey Bob and Rachel, I hate to state the obvious but your freakin arms and legs are missing, your blood seems to be spraying all over the church and the people and it seems to be coming from a really deep deep issue. Also, could I offer you a wheelchair and open arms where you are more than happy to continue to bleed all over me because I too am in need of someone to bleed all over.

My tolerance for impostors has reached its limit and I can’t stomach it any longer – it really pains me to talk to church people without having content for their facade they present and I have a hard time understanding what church is all about when it is so utterly worldly and wicked.

Maybe you should pray for me or better yet why don’t you call Mike Murdock and tell him that I have a strong desire to plant my 10.5 foot seed up his pathetic ass. Thanks!

God Personally Thwarts Me

montyking — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 21:59:05 +0000

“So God must take it all away, ” Eldredge says. “This often happens at the start of our initiation journey. He thwarts our plan for salvation; he shatters the false self.” (Wild at Heart, p. 107)

“God loves us too much to leave us there,” Eldredge observes. “So He thwarts us, in many, many different ways. In order to take a man into his wound, so that he can heal it and begin the release of the true self, God will thwart the false self. He will take away all that you’ve leaned upon to bring you life.” (Wild at Heart, pp. 108-109)

I think Elderdge takes the ink from my soul and pens it perfectly. God has completely and totally taken me on a journey that has led me to see the depth of my wound and I have nothing but Him to lean on. For me it’s more than the end of my self…it is the end of the characters I have created to survive. It is the end of this impostor of a life. It is the end of the Jekyll and Hid persona I have kept alive. I love how GOD loves me enough to not only thwart my false self but also to shatter my understanding of salvation so it gets me out of the picture and puts Christ at the center of it.

I think one of my biggest struggles is that I don’t have a clue how to approach salvation or Christ for that matter, without thinking I have to do or act in a certain way to really experience Christ, is hard for me to fathom. I see now that as long as I come with my thwarted self and yield as much as I can in the moment, I am closer to my Savior than if I read the right passage or walked the right passage to get to Him. Having said that, I do not believe I have to come to Christ as a beaten down beggar that can’t stand firmly with zeal and assurance. I am so much more and to think any less of myself is really selfish and prideful and that will only prolong the truth that will come from the thwarting. Too long my false self told me not to say anything, never have an opinion and never step out of line….here are just a couple of my wounds that I can think of that GOD has been graciously thwarting:

“I am not worth the time. Not worth your time. I am forgotten.

I am not loved – or lovable.

I am a failure. I will always be a failure.

Don’t rock the boat!

Suck it up! Shut up and sit down. My opinion isn’t wanted.

Never disagree and never stand up for yourself.

Run away and hide.

No one listens to what I say. What I say isn’t important.

What makes me happy doesn’t matter.

Following my heart is foolish. DON’T DO IT!!

I am not a man.

Bad Monty!! Don’t be angry!!

Everything is going good. TIME TO SELF-DESTRUCT and SELF-SABOTOGE!

I will NEVER succeed – STAY THE SERVANT and SMALL!!
Don’t be honest, especially with the family. Only causes relationships to grow deeper.”

What’s amazing is that I am so thankful for these wounds…that sounds like total denial and it might be a little but I know in each of these wounds I have the ability to stop owning them and start letting GOD destroy them. I hate having to deal with life for the past 31 years through these wounds but each day GOD gives me a new wrecking ball and new day to lean my full weight into Him and this new life. It’s being born through the destruction of my wounds everyday – it is painful but it yields more refreshment than anything else in the end.

Daily I get to ask the question, In what area Father will you personally thwart me? and it resonates from the question Eldredge heard Jesus ask him, Will you let me initiate you?

I still struggle with letting the old self wounds completely go and letting that old self be completely thwarted but I’ve found it’s better to struggle than to let it continually go on without notice.

Thwart me Father and let my new self be free,

Thwart me Father that I lose sight of the old me.

Thwart me Father and may I always see, a new life worth taking into eternity.

The Voyage of Life

montyking — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 13:27:53 +0000

The Voyage of Life series, painted by Thomas Cole in 1840, is a series of paintings that represent an allegory of the four stages of human life: childhood, youth, manhood, and old age. The paintings follow a voyager who travels in a boat on a river through the mid-1800s American wilderness. In each painting, accompanied by a guardian angel, the voyager rides the boat on the River of Life. The landscape, corresponding to the seasons of the year, plays a major role in telling the story. In each picture, the boat’s direction of travel is reversed from the previous picture. In childhood, the infant glides from a dark cave into a rich, green landscape. As a youth, the boy takes control of the boat and aims for a shining castle in the sky. In manhood, the adult relies on prayer and religious faith to sustain him through rough waters and a threatening landscape. Finally, the man becomes old and the angel guides him to heaven across the waters of eternity. (read more)

The Voyage of Life, Childhood

The Voyage of Life, Youth

The Voyage of Life, Manhood

The Voyage of Life, Old Age

Thomas Cole The Course of Empire Destruction and Desolation

montyking — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 22:15:37 +0000

The course of the Empire Destruction

The Course of Empire Desolation

These paintings paint a good picture of my destruction and desolation of my own self empire.

Wow, I was doing a little more digging and found this on Thomas Cole, I think it will go perfect with the next post.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Voyage_of_Life

Tip of the day…

montyking — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 20:54:23 +0000

If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane or train....

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.

2. Remove your laptop.

3. Turn it on.

4. Make sure the person who won't leave you alone can see the screen.

5. Open this email.

6. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky and start mumbling.

7. Then hit this link: * http://tinyurl.com/e8efm *

Dancing On the Devil’s Backbone

montyking — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 00:20:46 +0000

‘

It was a great time getting to tackle another hiking trail. This one is called, Devil’s Backbone in Loveland, CO. I climbed, hiked and did a little dancing all over the backbone and it was fascinating to discover more about myself, my abilities and my dreams. I even took time to make my mark within the backbone…almost to proclaim who I am as a victor over my foes.

I AM MONTY KING!

So when the devil feels that sting around his L1 section he’ll remember that I treaded, I conquered and I will never be forgotten; for I danced upon the devil’s backbone.

I Gotta Get Lost!!!

montyking — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 00:17:27 +0000

I took a hike today near Horsetooth Reservoir that my mind/body/soul/spirit had been screaming for, for a long time. I got away, I got lost, I got to stay lost in order to destroy my self all over again, WooHoo! It wasn’t my real self that was living, it was my survival mode self. I have been in survival mode since I was a kid and I found no comfort for myself and real peace was not anywhere to be found in this world but every once in awhile I would daydream that someday I would reach the highest peak called heaven and I would find my rest knowing it never had to end. For me sleeping is great but the worst part was that I would have to wake up into a new world with the same uncertainty and the same hurt, I would wake up into my own horror movie. I would be the one constantly being chased and I was the one constantly searching for rescue and safety but never being able to rest. The place where I should have been able to rest was suppose to be my home but the sad truth was that it was the one place I felt so far from peace. I don’t blame my family and I don’t blame others. I know that if I continue to use my wound as a crutch it will keep me from healing and really dealing with the deception in my life. MY wound is deep and I know it will take time to look at the crater in my core but I have no doubt that I don’t need to see keep looking at this crater to find my path out of it. I know that I can start climbing and hike my way out of it. It’s not going to look like any formula or pattern that people have written down but yeah it’s going to be my own masculine journey.

It’s really hard not to be bitter at my life because I have spent much of my life second guessing ME and TRUTH. I don’t even really know my own name, oh I can have others tell me who I am…but that mean SHIT to me. I spent my whole life straining to be enough for others and when I tried to find my own way, it was always questioned. You know what makes me more bitter and upset the most?! It’s that I used a gift like Prayer as a crutch to do NOTHING with my life. My whole life I learned from my family to just pray about it and let Gods will be done…so many times I heard, Oh you just need to get on your knees before the Lord. I do believe in prayer and earnestly seeking Him but it does NOT end there. ACTION must take place and I know if some kind of action doesn’t take place then all prayer does is turn into the emotional roller coaster that I end up controlling. I get on my knees poor my heart out and then passively wait for His glory to be revealed. THAT’S BULLSHIT! I hate it because all it did was put me deeper in my pit and it makes me resent myself and GOD. I end up blaming GOD because I did all I was told…I walk the freakin path that was put before me and I only boasted that this was the way to TRUTH. LIE LIE LIE! To this day I still use prayer as a tool to do nothing! I take prayer and use it to paralyze who I AM and what GOD has called me to be.

I have found through my hike, I really have to get lost in order to bury my old ways of surviving and life off the Truth of the land and find my own way home. I have used the things that make me feel the safest as a way to become NOTHING and survive on others. I used my wife as a way to prove to myself that I am capable of good things…but I did it only to survive and not to live. I hated myself when I would be with my wife..I know it sounds awful but I did. I could feel the man in me shrinking more and more and it was killing me…yet it’s what I thought I needed to be alive. I lost the true Monty a long time ago and ever since then it’s been one bad hand after another.

I know GOD is exposing me deep wounds and is calling the real MONTY to come out…while I was hiking I found the highest point and sat and looked down at the valley below and something out of nowhere welled up in me and I CRIED

I AM MONTY KING!!! I AM MONTY KING!!!I AM MONTY KING!!! I found myself screaming as if to wake the dead man inside me and it felt so good. I felt like I gave my own Braveheart scream of FREEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! At that point I knew I was on a new path to find MONTY, to find my name that I had lost so long ago. I mean the question of who I was seemed way to generic and the real deep rooted question that I am in search to find the answer is,
DO I HAVE THE GONADS TO SURRENDER MY LIFE COMPLETELY??!!!
I’m not talking about the kind of surrender that I have sung so many times, I surrender all …that kind of surrender I have never been able to “do” and I have learned I am ONLY to yield as much as I can…NOT strain to “do” to make myself feel better. NO, the surrender I’m talking about is the kind of surrender that is RECKLESS, PAIN PROVOKING, ASSHOLE CREATING and TRUE MANHOOD MAKING and it is only concerned about its own personal outcome. You might think that is the same but to me it is different because WAY TOO much of surrender is WEAK and the kind of turn the other cheek that I can’t stand and don’t have time to waste on. I believe the church and so called believers have totally bastardized that word (turn the other cheek) and turned it into something so sick and twisted I would venture to say it’s borderline, PORNOGRAPHIC! I was not meant to walk this world allowing fallen people to take shots at me; I have put up with it for way too long and it has shriveled my gonads (see image below) to the size raisins and taken the man inside of me and caused it to be feminine.
What gets me closer to being a couple fries short of a happy meal is that this is preached in church and that is where some of the weakest men in the world are…and we should be the most dynamic assholes that don’t have time for the bullshit but on the other hand love with pure passion for what’s right.

OK I know I’ve gone off on so man tangents but it is about time I used this blog as a punching bag rather than a cute and fuzzy diary. I still have tones to learn from what my new life question but I am willing to take a hike everyday and get totally lost so I can start finding me and seeking the answer to this question….

DO I HAVE THE GONADS TO SURRENDER MY LIFE COMPLETELY??!!!

Honestly…I don’t know where I would begin….so I’ll get lost to find it!

Here endeth the lesson!

If this picture appalls you then you really get the picture!